At what point do you admit that if it’s you against the world that you must be wrong about something? If you are constantly angry, if you constantly feel slighted, if every day is a fight – at what point do you stop to think:
I must be
about something —
For every four days of fighting, you have two of apologies and one that really doesn’t seem so bad. Then the final night passes, and it all starts again from the beginning like a broken record that keeps spinning the same lilting melody. Your life becomes this daunting, unfulfilling thing, and you can’t help but to wonder why?
The main difference between my husband and I is that I internalize every little thing while he externalizes his rage over, oftentimes, absolutely nothing. While I will feel badly about something I’ve done (or even something I haven’t done), he is always angry about what he perceives is being done unto him. Though I’ve always known this, he made it abundantly clear today while he shouted:
All this suffering is because
they have wished it upon me;
I am cursed —
It really comes down to taking responsibility for your own actions. While I do not wish unto him (or anyone for that matter) the responsibility I feel for every little thing, I do wish he would stop complaining about everything and blaming everyone for each little inconvenience in his life.
For the millionth time, he told me he just wishes he could die. While I am no stranger to the feeling, I am also painfully aware that I am the master of my own misery. If I am on an upswing or I am feeling really rough, I know that only I can change the way my life, my day, or even my moment is going.
We are all responsible
You know that person who complains all the time but never does anything to change his situation? Yes, of course I love my husband and want to be there for him to hear about his day and to let him get that work drama off his chest. However, there comes a time where the monotonous complaints are so regular that I get tired of hearing them. Continue reading