Girl Sings the Blues (because she’s meant to);

Why did I do this?  I cannot entirely say.  Before this, I had never been that promiscuous.  Yes, I did experiment sexually on a grander scale than my peers.  I did sleep with men decades my senior starting at a very young age.  But it was never this frequent.

I do love sex.  One might call me a nymphomaniac.  But I had never been so openly sexual.  What is that saying?  Something about a lady in the streets but a **** between the sheets?  Yes, something like that.

So why, all of a sudden, was I so promiscuous, so impulsive?  Perhaps it had to do with the attention that I had never received on such a level.  Or perhaps it had something to do with my need to please and my intrinsic fear of abandonment.  But still: why might this be?  Can anyone explain myself to me?

Truly I believe it all ties in to my depression and whatever disorder and instability is a fundamental part of my very soul.  It’s funny how my disordered fragments behave so differently in different environments.  Stateside it’s all depression, worry, anxiety, anger; in Italy it’s reckless abandon, promiscuity, impulsivity, drugs, and irresponsibility.

Either way it’s not healthy.  But either way it’s Me.  And I suppose I’ll never change.

xLoJu

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