Why did I do this? I cannot entirely say. Before this, I had never been that promiscuous. Yes, I did experiment sexually on a grander scale than my peers. I did sleep with men decades my senior starting at a very young age. But it was never this frequent.
I do love sex. One might call me a nymphomaniac. But I had never been so openly sexual. What is that saying? Something about a lady in the streets but a **** between the sheets? Yes, something like that.
So why, all of a sudden, was I so promiscuous, so impulsive? Perhaps it had to do with the attention that I had never received on such a level. Or perhaps it had something to do with my need to please and my intrinsic fear of abandonment. But still: why might this be? Can anyone explain myself to me?
Truly I believe it all ties in to my depression and whatever disorder and instability is a fundamental part of my very soul. It’s funny how my disordered fragments behave so differently in different environments. Stateside it’s all depression, worry, anxiety, anger; in Italy it’s reckless abandon, promiscuity, impulsivity, drugs, and irresponsibility.
Either way it’s not healthy. But either way it’s Me. And I suppose I’ll never change.