Nothing to lose: or, already lost it all–

That is the next loss I had to deal with in my short life.  Less than a year after this all happened, I moved back to the States with my (soon-to-be) husband.  Though we planned on getting married at some point, we did not have direct plans to do it right away.

However, seeing how difficult it was for my husband to deal with immigration issues without actually being married to me, we decided to do it.  I mean, why not?  We wanted to anyway, and if this could help us on the road to starting our life together, it just seemed like the simple answer to all our problems.

Except not really.  Because my aunt and uncle had not met him and were not in the country for the ceremony, they were absurdly offended.  They were also upset that we had not gotten married in the Catholic Church.  They were also, at the time, fighting with my parents over money – somehow I ended up being copied a back-and-forth of emails between them.  I decided to step in and defend my mother (whom they never liked) over something they had said, and this completely blew up in my face.

They have not spoken to me

in 5 years–

I don’t care about money.  I think that I have proven that, staying with my husband in this life for nearly 6 years when I have, decidedly, more fiscally enticing options.  It just doesn’t matter to me.

But Family is so important to me.  This abandonment is almost harder to handle than death.  Death is not a choice.  Death is something we all will have to go through at some point.  But I miss my aunt and uncle.  I miss my godparents.  I miss my surrogate parents.  How can they just turn off the Love after having been in my life for 20 years?

Then my parents got divorced.  But it doesn’t end there…


6 thoughts on “Nothing to lose: or, already lost it all–

  1. Just a head’s up first LoJu, the page advancing arrows are not working, at least for me. I had to keep paging back and click on the next page number to read through.

    So, we’re both on a ‘loss’ page today. Serendipitous. I appreciate your writing style; it connected with me. And while I read, heard and ‘get’ all you have been experiencing over time, what felt even more pronounced to me is your makeup, your inner strength, and your heightened awareness of quite simply, what is.

    Your Dad is to you what my Mom is to me (my Dad passed 18 months ago). I need her to live and gratefully, she continues to be of sound mind and body.

    My wish for you is that you be with healing, especially when it comes to yourself. Be selfish and take good care of you! The rest, as you closed with, isn’t going to matter. Thanks for sharing all that you have.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Eric! I (think) I fixed them. I agree, it’s annoying to have to scroll down past tags, comments, etc to get to the page numbers – I don’t know why my theme is set up like that!

      True! That was my first thought when I read your post (and that you had seen two other posts on the same theme today!). I’m glad you found my writing enticing – at some point I got to that empty-headed, too-much-caffeine space and was worried what I had written was more like “blah-blah-blah…” Ha!

      I appreciate very much what you have said about my character. I have always felt that I am extremely adaptive(is that the right word?). In the sense that I have been thrown into extreme situations across the spectrum, and I have always managed to come out pretty much the same as when I went in.

      Thank you for your words of wisdom. =] Being selfish is something I often talk about – in some situations, I succeed, but, on the whole, it is something I have trouble with. I think I am just a people person. But, at the same time, I am quite solitary. I am a contradiction, I know. Regardless, I have a hard time putting myself before those I care about in most situations (and I care about a lot of people).

      I’m glad my words resonated with you. Here’s to many long years still for my father (and mother) and your mother as well! Thank you for the time you took to read and respond–


  2. A very depressing post. I guess my very simple-minded advice is: to give as much love as you can to the people that matter to you so that you won’t regret anything. I am not saying you shouldn’t fight but end the conversation by saying that no matter what you still love them.


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