I happen to have lots of problems. I don’t know if it’s because of this or in lieu of this, but I seem to gather about me women with just as many issues. Whereas my problems are continuous – and generally kept under wraps – it seems like their lives, on sporadic occasion, blow up in their faces.
All at the same time.
Growing up, I didn’t have female friends. Apart from the one I mention frequently. Too much drama and inane competition. Being married, that has changed. I still attract men into my life, but I tend to keep them at arm’s length. I don’t know if it’s more about myself or my husband, but I don’t really allow those relationships to develop.
My circle of friends is still, in my opinion, considerably small. Now, I may say “circle,” but that’s not exactly what it is. For female friends, I have one best friend from childhood, one from my first 2 years in Italy, one from my two years as a barista, one from my second 6 months in Italy, and one from my two years as a bartender. Needless to say, they are scattered about the world, and our interactions, apart from a select few (two), are infrequent. Apart from the “important” ones, there is also a host of acquaintances.
Each one of these best friends is very special to me in very different ways. With each one of them, I went through so many different things that I am hard pressed to even try and explain one to the other. One of them puts it, insightfully, “We can’t even understand the time we spent together, let alone try and make someone else understand it.” And she is so right.
As for the men, it has something to do with the inability, in my opinion, for those relationships to remain “appropriate.” I am not saying that a man and a woman cannot be “just friends,” only that it is a very grey area – a jealous area, and a risk I would rather not take. I have a certain way about me, and
the people I am close to,
I am very close to–