I am not good at many things. However, I am good at reading people. No matter what you say, I know what you mean. No matter how you act, I know how you feel. Though I do understand that people sometimes have reasons for not directly saying what they mean,
I can’t stand a liar.
I am not good at lying. But let’s talk about the difference between lying and manipulation. For instance, if I flake out on a friend, even if I have the intent of coming up with a totally believable excuse, I always fail miserably. With me, you will always get the hard, honest truth (unless you’re asking me if that dress makes your @ss look big). However, when it comes to work situations, for instance, I have no problem manipulating a situation to get my way.
For example, there once was a girl whom I thought was my friend. Well, it turns out she wasn’t (I have learned to trust less, as hard as it is). At first when she started acting towards me in a way I found hurtful, I was just that: hurt. But then I got tired of being upset by her. So I pulled the manager to the side one night, crocodile tears and all, and explained how I didn’t understand what I had done. I used all the right words…
I even suggested that maybe
this place was not the right fit
for me and that perhaps I
should move on as I did not
want to cause drama for those
that were there before me*
*i.e. that girl
But I knew I was going nowhere. First of all, I liked the place. I really did. Second of all, though I was one of the last people hired, I was one of the most efficient people on staff (this was a bar). Customers loved me – and in the service industry, it’s all about the customer.
I don’t know if it was the tears, the use of the word “bully,” or the passive-aggressive suggestion that I might quit, but the girl was put in her place by the manager. And eventually fired. And that was fine by me. Maybe it was wrong, but relationships and business are two clearly separate things for me.
Back to lying. I really can’t stand a liar. I see no reason to lie unless it is for the mutual benefit of both parties involved (i.e. not telling your mother-in-law that her meatloaf sucks; hiding a surprise party for someone’s birthday, etc). I really just don’t get it.
Why is it easier for people to lie
than to tell the truth?
How do you build a relationship with someone who lies to you about the littlest things? Maybe they’re lying about the big things – maybe they’re not. But how can you be sure? How can you trust a person that lies to you? How can you form an intimate relationship with someone that cannot be honest with you?
Many times the things people lie about aren’t even important. That’s what makes it even harder to understand. If you want to buy something, if you want to do something, if you want to go somewhere, why do people feel a need to lie to their partners about it? Many times the subject matter wouldn’t even matter if it were spoken about honestly.
What makes it
is the lie
What makes it so important is the dishonesty itself. What makes it such a problem is the fact that someone is hiding something from you. And what makes it the biggest problem for me is
the fact that
I will always
know you’re lying —
Oftentimes, those lies also play into how the parties involved are treating each other. When someone in a relationship has something to hide, they automatically become more closed off and litigious. They automatically start making excuses for themselves. They automatically distance themselves from the other person involved.
So, how do you come back from a lie? Can you even ever fix a relationship that has been riddled with lies and the eventual hurtful words (and situations) that surround them? Is it worth putting in the effort necessary to accept and move past these lies?
I’m a monster”